Tender Mercies

Why is it that I have so many beginnings, you might ask? Well, I'd rather keep beginning than give up altogether. :) Actually, it takes time to change the heart and mind. That's what I've been doing and continue to do. Admitting to myself that I no longer can do this all on my own is a huge beginning step, and one that seemed to have been alluding me. Pride gets in the way. The perfectionist in me seems to make me quite stubborn to admitting my troubles and issues. I totally admit I have had a problem relationship with food. I am addicted to sugar and bad for me foods. I also love healthy food, although when given the choice, I give in to the unhealthy ones.

I'm working with several of my friends to gain our health back. We've all decided that we cannot do it on own our own and we've chosen to use the 12-step program for addictions put out by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's been the only program I feel so good about and have stuck to. I'm supplementing with other things as I seek truth in other areas of my life as well, but it all comes down to drawing closer to the Lord.

One of my big goals is to draw closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ, and He will help me overcome this addiction I have with eating. Only He can give me the strength I need to accomplish my goal of having a healthy body. One step I know I need to take is to avoid sugar. It may seem extreme, but it needs to be done for me to not slip back (others may not need this step). I've been off of sugar for several days and I have a much easier time resisting it the longer I'm not eating it. When I desire chocolate or sweets, I pray for the strength to stick to my decision of not eating it and I'm always granted my petition. It's been amazing to see and feel the difference already.

I weighed myself last Tuesday and I was 211. Saturday I was 208, and then this morning I was 205.6. I haven't been this close to being below 200 since Dh and I were first married. I've been maintaining 210-216 for the past several years (pregnancy not included). I maintained around 212 for most of my teenage life, but I was in better shape then (forced PE will do that). I went off to college in 1995 and moved back home after the first year. The fall of 1996 my mom convinced me that maybe redux was the only way I could kick the weight. I felt okay with it, and knew she had my best interest at heart. After talking to my doctor about it, I went on redux. I never took it as recommended, although I took less than was prescribed, not more. It worked (or maybe it was all in my mind and the fact that I was a runner at a law firm and was on my feet a lot). I think I made it down to 175 or so when I met my Dh at institute. We married and I went off of redux because we didn't have the funds to pay for it. I also took birth control pills (of which I regret, but not because I gained weight on them). Gradually I got back up to 212 again, and my new sit-down job didn't help my activity level. We conceived Ella in 1999, and I've pretty much stayed between 210-220 ever since. This 205 is an awesome number to see! I was actually pretty surprised and elated! I know this is not from my sheer willpower, but because the Lord is helping me heal from these chains I've been in most of my life. I am so happy and grateful for His tender mercies towards me, and as always, I am indebted to Him.